When I grow up, I’m going to start a charm school for shooting. You know, like cotillion. That’s where exasperated parents sent we poorly behaved children to learn about proper fork and spoon use and doing the Foxtrot safely while wearing braces. With all my cotillion penance, I don’t remember a single field trip to the shooting range. To me, that spells opportunity.

I have no illusions about the potential difficulties of teaching grown adults proper shooting etiquette — it’s going to be even harder than getting pre-pubescents to dance with each other. The effort will be worth it, however. While finishing school may seem like some form of fatal attraction, shooting manners really are a matter of life and death. Handguns are even shorter than Ryan Seacrest, so it’s far too easy to do things like point them in unsafe directions. You can thank me now for all the lives my schools will be saving. Who knows? It might just be yours.

But shooting etiquette, like prim and proper behavior at the debutante ball, is also about looking like you belong in the upper-crust of shooting society. If you look like a total abecedarian (big word for a newbie), you’ll never be invited to any of those dinner-shooting-vest-attire-only charity fundraisers.

As most people have the attention span of spackle, I figure we’ll have to tighten up the curriculum to a handful of the most important shooting etiquette topics. I’ve come up with four mandatory courses for incoming freshmen.

Read More: American Handgunner Charm School for Shooting Range Etiquette? – American Handgunner